Understanding Adult Temper Tantrums

Many children experience temper tantrums when they do not get what they want or need. This behavior is particularly prevalent among young children who have not fully developed their language skills to express their needs or manage their emotions when they feel frustrated or let down. It might not be too surprising to witness a young child having a public tantrum, but is it reasonable for adults to behave in the same way?

Labeling such behavior in adults as crazy or childish is a common tendency, but it is crucial to recognize that while certain adult temper tantrums might be associated with mental health difficulties, others are simply a part of human nature. It is also possible that stress can trigger such outbursts, which could explain the increased occurrence of temper tantrums during the pandemic in comparison to earlier times.

What are the causes of adult temper tantrums?

Coping with strong emotions can be a challenging task for individuals of all ages, especially when those emotions involve agitation, grief, frustration, or shame. Adults themselves can face difficulties in dealing with them in a healthy way. Here are some of the reasons this happens.

Difficulty managing their feelings

It is natural to feel angry and sad when things do not go as anticipated. Nevertheless, individuals who have not developed effective emotional regulation skills may find it challenging to handle these emotions in appropriate ways. Not everyone has been taught healthy ways to express their emotions. Those who have learned to suppress their emotions may experience outbursts when they can no longer keep them repressed.

Depression

Depression is often associated with profound sadness, low moods, and a sense of hopelessness. However, it’s important to understand that depression can also manifest as unusual irritability and anger. People who face depression-related anger may feel an intense and overwhelming surge of rage, even in response to minor events. They may also exhibit outbursts of anger and frustration when they come across setbacks or unfavorable circumstances or struggle with effectively managing and controlling their anger response.

Autism

Autism spectrum disorder can encompass meltdowns that may resemble tantrums. Meltdowns have the potential to occur in various situations and can involve crying, screaming, throwing or breaking objects, or other physical manifestations of distress. Some individuals may also withdraw or mentally disengage. Unlike temper tantrums, meltdowns are not motivated by an attempt to fulfill personal desires. Instead, they arise as a response to overwhelming factors such as stress, sensory overload, and disruptions to routine.

Certain temper tantrums can be attributed to medical conditions such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or may be characteristic of personality disorders like narcissism. Some individuals employ temper tantrums as a means to manipulate others, shift focus away from another matter, mask feelings of fear, shame, or guilt with anger, or seek attention. Regardless of the underlying cause, an adult temper tantrum reflects negatively on the person exhibiting such behavior.

What are the types of adult temper tantrums?

While temper tantrums are often observed in children and are easily recognizable, in adults, they may present in more nuanced and subtle ways. It is important to be aware of the following types of adult temper tantrums:

The Silent Fit

There are instances where adults can exhibit tantrum-like behavior without vocalizing their frustrations. These behaviors may include stomping their feet, obstructing someone’s path, or pacing back and forth.

The Tirade

In different scenarios, an adult may engage in a ranting spree as a form of temper tantrum, which can involve yelling, insulting, and shouting. Additionally, this type of adult temper tantrum might manifest as door slamming or other similar actions.

The Whiner

When adults experience tantrums, they might convey their frustrations through behaviors like crying, moaning, or even whining. Instances can include huffing and puffing in anger, screaming, or even resorting to cursing.

How do you deal with someone’s temper tantrum?

When someone you deeply care about experiences tantrums or meltdowns, it is natural to consider the most effective approaches to offering support and diffusing the situation. Here are some suggestions. 

Be calm. 

Initially, it is always better to remain composed, even if the person appears to be deliberately provoking you. If they utter hurtful remarks, you might start feeling hurt and angry as well. Perhaps they express their anger through the silent treatment, as adult tantrums do not always entail kicking and screaming. Despite feeling infuriated by being ignored, it is important to resist the urge to react explosively. Instead, take a few deep breaths or even take a short break before attempting to respond.

Offer empathy

Tantrums, rage attacks, and meltdowns are often rooted in overwhelming situations or difficulties regulating emotions. If you find yourself unsure about what has caused distress for your friend or loved one, it is beneficial to inquire. They may not be able to respond immediately, as they may need time to calm down, but when they are ready, actively listen to them. Demonstrating genuine care and concern can create an environment that encourages the exploration of possible solutions. Moreover, be mindful of the language you use. While it might seem logical to label their outburst as a “tantrum,” such terminology can be somewhat derogatory and potentially exacerbate their emotions.

Make sure you are safe.

During a rage attack or meltdown, individuals may physically manifest their anger and frustration. Even if they do not typically engage in kicking, hitting, or throwing objects, the intensity of their rage can lead to different reactions than usual. Remember that someone who displays behaviors like knocking over furniture or punching holes in walls when angry is not necessarily violent. Nonetheless, it is crucial to prioritize your safety and avoid placing yourself at risk. If you have any concerns or doubts about the potential for physical aggression or violence, it is advisable to leave the room and provide them with space to regain their composure.

Set limits

Dealing with frequent outbursts or meltdowns from a friend or partner can be emotionally draining. Establishing clear boundaries and adhering to them can help safeguard your emotional well-being while still providing support. For instance, you can say, “I am willing to discuss the issue, but we cannot find a resolution when there are raised voices and objects being thrown. Let’s have a conversation when you are in a calmer state.”

Reminder

Experiencing anger is a normal occurrence for individuals on occasion. When confronted with extreme stress or pushed beyond their limits, it is not uncommon for people to lose control and react with angry outbursts. Nevertheless, unmanaged anger can have detrimental effects on one’s health, relationships, and overall daily functioning.

If you find that you or someone you love frequently experiences intense episodes of anger or distressing meltdowns, it can be helpful to seek professional support. A trained professional can assist you in identifying the underlying causes of your anger and provide guidance in developing effective coping strategies. Visit Mindshift Psychological Services. You may check out their website to learn more about them or contact them at (714) 584-9700 to schedule an appointment.